And that has made all the difference.

No, this is not a post paying homage to Robert Frost.

It's about sleep. 

Hank has never been a great napper. For the first eight months, he slept in a sling on my chest because he just couldn't settle himself at the 45-minute mark (which is the length of an infant's REM cycle). Then for awhile, I nursed him to sleep and placed him in his crib for naps, but he just could not sleep past 45 minutes. Sometimes I'd get an hour, but that was pretty rare. I figured out pretty quickly that if I went in there, nursed him back down, and then held him for the rest of his nap, he would sleep soundly and thus, sleep better at night. So I would hold him for about 1.5 hours on the weekends and a couple days during the week when Johnny was occupied with something else. But the guilt! Oh, the guilt. I'd be sitting in there holding Hank, knowing I couldn't put him down or he'd wake, listening to Johnny talk to himself down the hall, sometimes coming to Hank's door and saying, "Mommy? Can you come play with me, Mommy?"And the fact that he wanted to play with me and I couldn't (or wouldn't, depending on how you look at it) come out really wrought havoc on Johnny's and my relationship.

FINALLY, as in, for the last nine days or so, he has started sleeping for a full two hours. Sometimes longer, depending on how long our morning was. And I don't have to do anything at the 45 minute mark. I guess he finally got to the age where one nap is enough and is no longer overtired by the time I put him down.

Napping like a boss.

Now Johnny and I have some one-on-one time together and it's great. I'll tell Johnny, "I'm going to go put Hank down for his nap. I'll be right back, okay?" And he'll say, "Okay. Then we'll have some Johnny and Mommy time?" It's really nice that my independent, will-not-hesitate-to-leave-me-behind-in-a-public-place little boy wants to spend time with me. Hank's napping really HAS made all the difference.

Product of Johnny and Mommy time.

Quick update... since I feel guilty

For the last six weeks I haven't found many free moments in which to sit down and write a coherent post about the boys as I've either been battling with a child at bedtime, preparing for our east coast trip, or traveling to the east coast. So I'll give you a few bullet points of incoherency:

1. We went on our trip and survived (I'll give a full update... someday).
2. Johnny can now spell TONS of words, including flamingo and xylophone. His newest trick is spelling "The Home Depot". I suppose that means we have too many home improvement projects going on.
3. Hank can say a few words now: Mama, Dada (which also refers to Johnny), yes, no, book, throw, trash, car, truck, out, yay, wow, yuck and phone. It's funny, he says "phone" an awful lot like Johnny used to.
4. Both Johnny and Hank have a sudden obsession with slides, which is totally awesome since it's something they BOTH enjoy, but it's also not a fun obsession to have when it's ridiculously hot outside.
5. Hank now kisses EVERYTHING. Blocks in front of him? Kiss. Book in front of him? Kiss. Sleeping Mommy? Kiss. Johnny's back? Kiss. It's adorable and hilarious. And sometimes disgusting when he wants to kiss the trash can.
6. Johnny is still into Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, but not enough to wear the adorable Buzz Lightyear and Woody pajamas I got him. He chooses to wear his too-small Cars PJs instead.
7. Johnny is getting better and better at using sentences, but his pronouns are all confused. Finally, John pointed out that it's probably our own fault since we've been referring to ourselves in the third person for who knows how long. So we've made an effort to say, "I'm so hungry!" instead of "Mommy/Daddy is so hungry!" and now he's starting to catch on. No idea if it's because of our change in grammar or because he's just figuring it out himself, but I'm glad.
8. Now that our pool heater is fixed, we've been spending more time in the pool. I'm happy to report that both boys enjoy it immensely... but it's REALLY dicey spending time in there with both of them and it's just me. On every trip into the pool/spa, one of them has fallen into deeper waters at least once. Kind of scary.
9. Hank has cut 3 of his 4 molars in the last few weeks and that has been AWESOME.
10. Johnny has been learning to cook his own egg and it's SO CUTE/TERRIFYING. I've been trying to foster a I-can-do-it attitude in him, since I think I tend to do too much for him all the time, and this is one of the few things he has been interested in doing himself.  

 Hopefully I'll get a chance soon to fill in all that has happened in the last few months that I've been crazy busy. But no promises. :)

I made the switch to cloth.

I used disposable diapers with Johnny. And it was great. But I had a hard time with the waste (no pun intended) that disposable diapers generated. When Johnny was 8 months old, I even did a "test drive" where I received 15 different cloth diapers to try out to see if I liked any of the styles. In the end I decided that cloth diapering was just too much for me to handle. There's the washing, the drying, the stuffing and the time needed to do all of that. Each type of diaper has different washing instructions. Most diapers are supposed to be line dried and each diaper has a different insert that has to be put in just so. I was already crazy-overwhelmed with motherhood and decided that cloth diapering was not something I needed to tackle.

Then I met Darcy, who cloth diapers her adorable little boy and has since birth and she made the whole thing so much more accessible for me. Talking to her was real and I got immediate answers instead of having to search forever on the Internet only to come up with four different ways of washing your diapers. So, I bought my first diapers on craigslist just to try them out. And I found out that it's actually pretty easy once you get in the groove.

I've been cloth diapering Hank (except at night, we'll work with that soon) for a few months now and I'm loving it. I mean, I don't LOVE having to deal more with his poop on a daily basis, but I love that if I'm running low on diapers, I do a load of laundry instead of buying more at the store and agonizing over the cost difference between Vons and WalMart and WHY COULDN'T I JUST REMEMBER TO BUY DIAPERS WHEN I WAS THERE YESTERDAY?!?! <--- That happened to me a lot with two babies.

Anyway. So yeah. I like cloth diapering. And Hank does, too. I mean, look at this face:

Happiness is a butternut squash colored Fuzzi Bunz diapers

My favorite diapers: BumGenius 4.0 (it's a workhorse and my most reliable diaper) and the Fuzzi Bunz One Size Elite. The Fuzzi Bunz used to leak like crazy, so it wasn't my favorite, but then Darcy helped me fix that by instructing me on how to seal the diaper. Since then? I love them.

If you want to start cloth diapering, or at least try it part time, I recommend going on craigslist and getting four or five used diapers. Wash them in hot water a few times and then try them out. It took me actually DOING it to get over my hang ups and just go for it.

Playing with my new lens.

I am currently taking an online photography course (called Photosanity, in case you're interested) from which I'm learning quite a bit. It's geared toward parents, so it's not overwhelmingly time-intensive and Alethea (the teacher/owner/do-it-all point person) is really good about teaching you things to help capture moments on camera in the best possible way. That means worrying more about catching the  moment and having fun instead of stressing about the technicality of your shot. PERFECT for an amateur like me.

Anyway. So I've been taking TONS and TONS of photos with a new lens I got (50mm f/1.4) and while I'm still learning about it, I'm catching some good shots here and there. These are my favorites from the last week:

Again, I'm still learning, which means I'll hopefully get better as time goes on!

Anorexia + breastfeeding = major weight loss

I've gotten lots of comments from friends and family about how good I look these days and how I seem to have lost all of my pregnancy weight. Well, I have. But it's because I'm practically anorexic.

Okay, I'm not really anorexic. Promise. I just forget to eat. One of the things about having two kids that I expected was being ridiculously busy. Well, these days I'm so busy that I completely forget to give myself food. The mornings from this past week went like this:

• 
  

6:30am: Hank wakes up. Breastfeed, dress and carry him into the bathroom.

6:45am: Shower and get dressed.

7am: Johnny's up. Put on some YouTube while I finish putting on deodorant and brush my teeth.

7:15am: Make Johnny's breakfast while the coffee perks and my English muffin toasts.

7:20am: Bring Johnny's breakfast to the playroom. Hang out for awhile playing.

7:30am: Bring Hank downstairs and plop him in the exersaucer while I put away dishes from the dishwasher, get a load of laundry started and clean up the kitchen counter.

7:45am: Remember English muffin in the kitchen. Return to kitchen to get English muffin, but Hank is crying because he's ready for breakfast.

7:50am: Pick up Hank and get his breakfast ready.

7:55am: Return to play room to hang out and read stories with Johnny while I feed Hank in the Bumbo.

8:15am: Wipe Hank up and take Johnny's plate downstairs to load up with more food. Remember English muffins. Get muffin out of toaster and put it on a plate. Johnny calls downstairs for more milk.

8:25am: Johnny's milk has been refilled, the washed laundry has been put into the dryer and I need to put more food on Johnny's plate to take it upstairs.

8:40am: Try to get Johnny into a new diaper and clothes for the day.

8:50am: Still trying.

9am: Success! Johnny is in a new diaper and clean clothes, but I can't find his shoes.

9:15am: Found Johnny's shoes under the bed and put them on his feet. Managed to bribe him into the car with my iPhone.

9:20am: Go back in and get Hank from wherever I left him and grab my (now cold) coffee to bring in the car.

9:30am: On our way to our 9:30am playdate drinking my cold coffee.

10:15am: Wonder why I'm shaking so badly and realize that my English muffin is still on the counter, uneaten.

Rest of day: Repeat for every meal.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother of two (even more so than being a mom of one) and I definitely love being smaller than my pre-pregnancy size, but this whole not eating thing? It's unhealthy. And stupid. What a stupid thing to complain about.

Beating the Catch-22

I felt that this event deserved to be immortalized with a post all its own.

See, Hank hates the car. Hates it. H to the A to the T to the E to the S. HATES it. I've tried using car seat toys to occupy him. I've tried covering the whole seat with a blanket to avoid overstimulation. I've tried putting him in after being fed. I've tried putting him in after he's taken a nap. I've tried putting him in when he's sleepy. I've tried lots of things. After all of these experiments, there are three things I've discovered:
1. Opening the window will keep him from crying for at least 5 minutes.
2. Turning on 90s rock helps him settle (a kid after my own heart... he likes Live!)
3. Hank hates the car.

Now, the funny thing about 1 and 2: whenever I open the windows, Johnny DEMANDS that they be closed (he's always hated having the windows open) and if I'm playing anything other than Johnny's CD, he DEMANDS that I turn his "songs" on... but Hank hates Johnny's songs.

Basically, I can't win in the car. If Johnny's songs are on/the windows are closed, Hank is upset and Johnny can't sleep. If Johnny's songs aren't on/the windows are open, Hank is quiet and Johnny is upset. Catch-22.

Until last Saturday, when this happened:

Oh yeah, they BOTH fell asleep after visiting Aunt Jackie, Uncle Josh and his family. They were asleep for 20 minutes... it was the quietest car ride I've had in five months and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Wanna wrestle?

This is how Daddy and Johnny play:

Cute, right? What's even more adorable is that after Johnny was done playing this game, John turns to me and says, "This is what I always imagined being a parent would be like. Wrestling and rough housing with my little boy is the best."

::heart melts::

The Night Sleeping Situation

When Johnny was 5 weeks old, I moved him into his own crib because he outgrew the nest he was sleeping in. I didn't want him to get used to sleeping in our bed and start a bad habit.

This time around? Forget it. Hank sleeps in bed with me and John so that I can nurse him whenever he needs it. I nurse him on my side until we both fall asleep. Then he wakes up a few hours later, I roll over, feed him on my other side and fall asleep. Rinse and repeat. Yes, I may be forming a bad habit with him nursing to sleep and needing to be next to me all night, but you know what? I sleep a good seven to eight hours a night (if not more) and actually feel somewhat rested the next day. Plus, Hank is pretty good at sleeping at night and has been for some time; more than I can say for Johnny at the same age!

Cosleeping definitely isn't for everyone, but it's working for us... remind of that when I'm complaining about how Hank won't sleep in his crib a couple of months from now.

In the pool

John made an epic discovery. Our son will swim in the pool... but only if he's naked.

We already knew that our little boy LOVES to be naked and finally John figured out that Johnny'll actually swim when he's not wearing a stitch of clothing. This is a good thing because it means Johnny isn't scared of the pool, but it's a bad thing because now he wants to play in the pool naked all. the. time. No problem when John is home, but when it's just me... it's impossible. I can't exactly jump in and save him with a baby strapped to my chest. Therefore, he throws a fit every afternoon when I won't let him play around the pool. Sometimes a being a good parent = being a life-ruiner.

Parenting decisions: the bottle

Johnny was breastfed until he was a little more than 10 months old, then I switched him to formula at my OB's suggestion (apparently breastfeeding can stimulate strong contractions and then miscarriage in some women) and so he has been using a bottle ever since. He switched to cow's milk easily and he dropped the morning bottle in favor of a sippy cup awhile ago and quite readily.

But he still takes a bottle before his nap and before bedtime. And apparently that's a bad thing.

The pediatricians I've gone to have all been surprised that he's still bottle fed. "If he has no problem taking milk from a sippy cup, so why haven't you switched him over entirely?" "You know that his teeth may be adversely affected by taking a bottle for so long, right?" "Taking it away is only going to get harder the later you do it."

I can't decide how I feel about this issue. On one hand, I know it's a big part of his soothing process for sleep since he doesn't take a pacifier or suck on his thumb and it's one of the only times I get to cuddle with him since he's such a mover and a shaker. On the other hand, I know that if I don't get rid of it before the baby comes, he'll end up being two and a half years old still drinking a bottle. Does that bother me? I'm not sure. I've had people tell me that when they get older, you can reason them out of using a bottle/pacifier/sucking the thumb by telling them it's what babies do and they aren't babies any more. Then I have other people telling me how difficult it was to get their toddler to drop the bottle and they wish they had done it earlier.

I'm writing this because I just put Johnny down for his nap without a bottle (or being breastfed) for the first time ever... and it was a fight. I finally managed to calm him down after screaming loudly for fifteen minutes, but he had to fall asleep in my arms before I got him into his crib, which I'm pretty sure is just replacing one crutch (the bottle) with another (me). I had decided a month ago that when Johnny went into his big boy room, we would drop the bottle a week or so later. This decision was made easier by the fact that his nap schedule has gone to hell in the last three weeks... but that's a story for another day. I figured that getting rid of the bottle couldn't possibly make his napping any worse, so this is good time to try it.

But now I'm second-guessing myself. Which, I suppose, is the core of being a parent, right?

For the weekend

This past weekend John's parents took Johnny from Saturday morning to Sunday evening to give John and me a chance to get Johnny's room ready and wrap up some small house projects. The plan was to move Johnny from the nursery into his own room, which used to be our office. However, the preparation of his room required an awful lot of work; work that I couldn't do by myself with Johnny around and John couldn't do by himself since I needed to help make decisions. Therefore, John and Gail volunteered to take Johnny for 36 hours to give us the time to finish up Johnny's new room. So, that's what we did!

It's not totally finished yet, which is why I haven't posted any pictures, but we went with a construction theme and he still is in a crib. He's just not ready for a "big boy" bed yet. The advice I've gotten is to stick with a crib as long as possible and don't move him until he's ready... so that's what I'm planning on doing.

Being without Johnny for a whole weekend was really strange for me. It was the first time he had spent the night away from me... in fact the longest I've been away from him is about six hours. I did manage to keep myself from going over to see him until Sunday afternoon, but it was a struggle. I felt so lost without my little man to dote on and feed and talk to; I felt especially strange on Sunday morning when I woke up on my own around 6:45am and didn't see his sweet little face first thing. At the same time, it was great to have a break. I managed to get some projects finished that had been nagging at me for months and his room is finally finished and ready to go, a huge weight off of my shoulders! Being a mom is so strange because on Friday night I was longing for a break, but the second he left on Saturday I really missed him. I suppose that will never really change.

I'll post pictures as soon as the room is done, promise! Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures to post in the meantime since Johnny was gone all weekend. Perhaps tomorrow...

Food as toys

Lately, Johnny has needed a lot of attention and has wanted me to hold him for most of the late afternoon. This really makes getting dinner ready difficult [insert know-it-all reader comment here: "Wait until you have TWO babies!" I know, I've used this before, but I've been getting that comment a lot lately.]. Of course, while he's being so needy his usual toys can't hold his interest. So, I have to improvise to distract Johnny from my legs for a few minutes while I get dinner ready. You've already seen the spray bottle and the apple below worked well, too.

The problem with food as toys, however, is it often generates a lot of work for later. See, every time Johnny took a bite of the apple, instead of swallowing it, as most children or adults would do, he would spit that piece out.

Blech, apples.

Notice the apple pieces stuck in the collar of his shirt.

Apple bits strewn about the floor where they were stepped on and tracked through the kitchen.

Messy? Yes. Effective time filler? Yes. Worth the ordeal of picking up the pieces and mopping the floor? Perhaps, depending on how desperate I am to finish the task at hand.

Critical Mass

Johnny's hair is... well, blonde and stick-straight. And it has reached critical mass. It doesn't have any cute little curls in it that keep it away from his face. Instead, it grows straight down and into his eyes and so quickly! At only 15 months of age, the kid has already had three haircuts and has needed another one for a good two months.

My kid's hair looks a little like Justin Bieber's. Shameful.

If we let it go too long, it'll affect his hearing...

Now, we have tried to administer this haircut for weeks on end, but he is suddenly terrified of the Flowbee, won't let scissors near his head, and we refuse to spend another $20 on a haircut. Screw that. So today, we were stuck at home without a car since it was getting routine maintenance done and I thought, "Maybe he'll let me cut it if I put him on the chair..." Remember, he doesn't plummet off high surfaces any more. And guess what? It worked!! I mean, he didn't move too much, which would have been great for a professional, but for me... even a sleeping child would have ended up with a butchered haircut. Really, I need some major tips in the hair cutting department. I used clippers as much as he would let me (they tickle him too much) and then had to use scissors for the rest of it. He looks a little ridiculous with long patches of hair in random places on his head, but hey, at least his hair is a little shorter now!

Only some of the hair that came off his head. The rest of it is still hanging in the air because it's so fine.

Not stoked about the new 'do.

Maybe a little emo-looking with the long bangs, but he's still cute, right?

Toddlerhood rules

I just put Johnny down for his afternoon nap and he actually fell asleep on me. While he curled up in "stink bug" position on my chest and stomach, I just rocked with him and thought about how far we have come in the last 15 months.

I don't think it's a secret that I'm not a baby person. Or if it is... surprise! I'm not a baby person. Do I think they are adorable? Yes. Do I love holding a freshly baked newborn? Totally. But being the mother of an infant was/is not my thing.

I started out as a mother very short on both patience and experience; I had never even held a baby before (well, I guess I held my brothers, but I was way too young to learn from that) and didn't have any close friends or relatives with children. I thought that being a teacher would help me in the patience arena and it may have, but it certainly wasn't enough to keep me sane and level-headed most of the time. The times that Johnny was fussy, I would get frustrated pretty quickly if I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Then I didn't appreciate the times when he was "quiet alert" because I was bored out of my mind with a newborn who just wanted to look at colors and patterns. I'm not trying to be hard on myself for how I acted when Johnny was new, I'm just looking back on what I remember and most of what I remember is being either frustrated, tired, or bored... and guilty for feeling any of that.

Now? A complete 180. I LOVE being the mom of a toddler. Do I have to chase Johnny around a lot? Yes. Do I have to protect him from himself and then endure the ensuing tantrum? Of course. But I love it. Most of it is that I have finally gotten to know my child and figure out what he wants most of the time. Many times that means having to be the "mean mommy" and keep that glass bottle/sharp knife/dog poop away from him. I like being able to take him to the zoo or the park and have him explore new places by himself (supervised, of course). I like watching him interact with other kids and adults. I like watching his mind work when he's trying to figure something out.

Granted, it's not all warm and fuzzy all the time. When he fights a nap or when he throws a tantrum because I won't let him bring his prized mop upstairs, it gets a little rough, but now I can handle it. He's finally instilled me with lots of patience and given me many experiences to make me the mom I am now. I'm more able to go with the flow and not resent the fact that my life has been taken over by a 25-lb human. I'm not jealous of John "getting" to go to work every day and escape the house. I feel like I can (usually) fill our days with meaningful and somewhat productive activities and not just kill time until I get to go to bed. There are still days when I long for a classroom, to teach a subject that I love, and to eat lunch in peace, but I think that's part of being a stay-at-home-mom.

For the first time ever, while I rocked my sleeping toddler, I came to terms with being a full-time mom  and was actually happy about it.

Bookworm

Johnny loves books. And when I say love, I really mean TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY OBSESSED. He has some favorites and he'll make you read them over and over and over and over again. Now, this is incredibly cute behavior to the grandparents and aunts and uncles, but I can tell you that being his mom and reading Moo Baa LaLaLa thirty-seven times a day is a little ... irksome. Do I absolutely love seeing his little face light up when I say "Oops!" while reading "Blue Hat Green Hat"? Definitely! Do I get a nervous tick after reading it eleven times straight? Oh yeah. But hey, it's a small price to pay to have a kid who will choose a Dr. Seuss book over television 10 times out of 10, right?

Remember that month...

... when I only did five posts in 30 days? Then eventually I revealed that I had used too much room on my computer and needed to clean it out in order to post more pictures and videos? Well, that was true, but the bigger issue was that I was dealing with the disgustingness that is the first trimester and every time Johnny went down for a nap, so did Mommy. Plus, I didn't have morning sickness so much as I had nighttime sickness. By the time Johnny went to bed I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position in my bed and sip water from a glass. Unfortunately this means that my blogging was dismal without any rhyme or reason and for that I apologize.

However, now that I'm 14 weeks pregnant, I feel confident that I can announce to the Interwebz that I am pregnant and am due June 13th, 2011. Yay. I am hoping that I can still report Johnny's happenings from day to day (ish) and keep the amount of complaining down, but we'll see if that happens.

Crying it out

Up until a month ago, Johnny didn't sleep through the night. Our night would go something like this:
7:30pm: Put in crib after nursing to sleep
10pm: Wake up, nurse back to sleep.
12am: Wake up, nurse back to sleep.
1am: Wake up, nurse back to sleep.
2:30am: Wake up, nurse back to sleep.
4am: Wake up, nurse back to sleep.
4:30am, 5am, 6am: Wake up, nurse back to sleep.

Finally, after a few weeks of this, John just put a twin bed in Johnny's room and I would go in there around 1am (when Johnny woke up) and I'd try to sleep on my side while Johnny nursed the rest of the night. Now, this sounds like it shouldn't be a big deal, right? I mean, I could just bring Johnny to bed with me and then he could feed while I slept. Not as great as it sounds. I am not a particularly "well-endowed" woman, so sleeping on my side with Johnny latched on and sleeping like that is about as easy as sleeping on a 3-inch wide balance beam--there isn't a lot of wiggle room. I also couldn't handle having Johnny sleep in bed with me and John because I like having time alone with John (even if we're asleep). So, I was sleeping in Johnny's room half the night.

Finally, after getting back from Lake Powell, I decided I was done with this nonsense. He's eight months old, he should be able to go at least six hours without a feeding. I decided I wanted to try crying it out. My friend Jill had a lot of success with it for her little boy so I thought I'd give it a whirl.

It was hard. I'm not going to lie. Waking up in the middle of the night and not going to him was really difficult. However after the first night, which was full of awakenings, the second night he only woke up a couple of times. Then the third, only once. And now a month later, hardly ever. If he does wake up these days he will whimper a little, readjust, and fall back asleep, BY HIMSELF! Magic, I tell you.

We also tried the whole cry it out thing for naps, but that didn't work out so hot. He's not one to conform to any kind of schedule. While the CIO strategy didn't help with establishing a nap schedule, it did help him learn to fall asleep during the day by himself. So now we have a little routine that we do when he's showing signs of being tired. After fifteen minutes of soothing he goes in his crib and he will either fall right to sleep or cry for a little while and fall asleep... and STAY asleep. As in, for more than 45 minutes.

Have I damaged my child for life? I doubt it. Being with him all day every day, I notice small improvements in his demeanor and behavior. No one notices these things but me and you may say that I'm cruel for making him cry so much for such little things, but you know what? Johnny's quality of life is better because my quality of life is better. Hell, ask John, I'm sure he'll tell you that being in the same room is me is a heck of a lot easier. Having fewer than 6 nights of decent sleep in 8.5 months will made me a wee bit snippy... and the people close to me got the brunt of it. Plus, now I know if he cries out the middle of the night and doesn't stop within a few minutes, there is something wrong.

All around crying it out was tough, but it worked for us. Hopefully the next child will be a little better at this sleep thing... or he'll just be more ignored than Johnny and will learn to be by himself sooner...

Yay sleep!