Dear Amy

Dear Amy,

You are THREE years old today. Three. The last three years have gone exceptionally fast, but you definitely been a threenager for a few months now. 

You are stubborn, determined, and persistent when you want something. And you are realllllllly loud when you don't get what you want. But then, when you're not being those things, you are fun, sweet, generous, and hilarious. Basically, you're sweet and spicy and I wouldn't change you one little bit. Not even when you're screaming at me for taking away the chair you were standing on to bang the buttons on the pool controls. That actually happened yesterday. And you cried for a good 30 minutes. 

I went back to look at the last letter I wrote you for your birthday and discovered that I have yet to write a birthday letter for you. And I think that that's one of the reasons you are who you are. You have become the squeaky wheel when you need some grease, and you've had to be exceptionally squeaky with your big brothers and now your little brother around!

Things I want to remember about you:

• Your absolute delight at things you like. You lit up like the candle on your cake when we sang "Happy Birthday" to you at your birthday party on Sunday. 
• How you call Johnny and Hank "my boys". When you wake up next to me (usually) in the morning, sometimes you can hear them downstairs or in the play room and you'll pop up and exclaim "I hear my boys!" and run out of the room to greet them. 
• Equally adorable is how you call your set of plastic princesses from Grandma "my girls". "Mommy, do you know where my girls are?" Pretty stinking cute.
• How your relationship with your Daddy blossomed this year. There are many nights when you rush into his arms when he comes home from work with sheer exhilaration that he is home and you can hug him. You guys have quite the time together. There have been many meandering trips through Vons or slow strolls through the strip mall together, just Amy and Daddy, because Daddy will do nearly anything for you. 
• Your love for sunglasses. You probably own five pairs of sunglasses and you switch them pretty evenly. 
• How you hum the Imperial March from Star Wars sometimes when you're coloring or doing another idle-type activity. Your brothers were huge into Star Wars this year and clearly, a lot of it rubbed off on you. You'll be able to hold your own in a conversation with any Star Wars dork, your brothers and cousin included. 
• The fact that you can and will talk to anyone and everyone, if you feel like it. We went to the Escondido Renaissance Faire a couple of weeks ago and you spent a good two hours in the mermaid cove, talking to and charming the heck out of all of the mermaids there. When Pa and Grams came to visit, you talked and talked and talked to them about everything. Showed them your favorite toys and roped them into playing pretend with you. However, if you aren't feeling like talking, and someone tries to loop you into a conversation, you are NOT going to placate them. Nope. Not a bit. And you might even give them a nasty look and a "huuuuynnh" type noise to boot. 
• Your imagination. You really get into pretend play and want someone (preferably me or Daddy) to play "girls" or "Ponies" with you. When you finally get someone to sit on the floor with you to play, you offer them a choice of which girl or pony they want to be and then say, "Now make them talk!" Johnny has gotten booted from many a play session by playing with your stuff "too funny". You have rules and standards and they must be followed. 
• Your sweetness and care with Mitch. You have been fascinated by him since he arrived, and are constantly asking to hold him or touch him or give him stuff. You desperately want to play with him, but settle for squeezing him a little too hard or running around him in circles while he's doing tummy time or putting a bracelet on his head. You're a fabulous big sister and have been very helpful to me whenever I need a burp cloth or some wipes. You're nearly always ready to help out. 

So many wonderful things to remember, Amy! My hopes for you are that you don't change too much. I think that your stubbornness and persistence will serve you well in the world, but hopefully you'll learn to apply them in more tactful and thoughtful ways! And I hope that you never lose that ability to be vocal about what you need. Too often people, women especially, tend to let themselves be walked over because they're incapable or too uncomfortable to stand up for themselves. If you can speak up in ten or twenty years like you can now, I can guarantee more things will go your way and you will know yourself a lot better than the average person knows themselves. 

I love you so much Amy! Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can't believe you're ours. You are a bundle of spunky energy and I'm looking forward to another year of you keeping me on my toes! 

Love,

Mommy

Amy is 8 months old!

I wrote this post a few days ago, only to have it disappear when I put Amy down in her crib. So this was actually done on today she turned 8 months, but technology hates me.

Anyway! Look at this baby girl. 

This is what she looks like in the morning when she first wakes up. I KNOW. She's so happy to be awake and to find that I'm there next to her. She's just the happiest baby ever. Seriously. The poor thing hardly ever gets to nap and when she does, it's in the car seat or in the wrap on me and only for about 45 minutes. And then at night I have to juggle her and her brothers' bed time (though I do have John around to help) so she often doesn't get to go to bed when she's really tired. Regardless of her lack of sleep, she's pretty happy all the time. 

She is also quite the grown up when it comes to food. Amy is not the biggest fan of purées and chooses finger foods all the time. Thus, she gets them. I also feed her stuff off of my plate and she's liked just about all of it. Enchiladas, back beans, spinach, corn, watermelon, eggplant parmigiana, etc. The only thing she doesn't seem to like is bananas. Still. So strange. She's also drinks water like a champ. I give her a cup occasionally because I would LOVE to skip the whole sippy cup thing, and she can drink from it with my help, which I find impressive... But maybe it isn't? Perhaps all 8-month-olds are capable of this? No idea. I didn't do that with the boys. 

Amy is also moving all over the place. I was commenting to my brother the other day about how different her mobility is from the boys'. I mean, once the boys could move they were scrambling. It may have been a little uncoordinated, but it was fast. Amy, on the other hand, is very deliberate. Right hand, left knee. Left hand, right knee. You can almost see her saying that to herself in her head. It's adorable. 

She's doesn't have any teeth yet, but since she still nurses, I'm more than okay with that. In fact, I'm kind of hoping that she'll go at least a year without getting a tooth. That would be fantastic. 

Anyway. This girl is just amazing. Amazing Amy. 

Hank's birthday party

The birthday boy! Who also didn't want me to take pictures of him. 

Planning Hank's birthday party this year was way more fun than it has been previously because he has attended enough birthday parties to know how they go and what to expect. Thus, he actually had ideas this year about what he wanted to do for his birthday party. He said he wanted one big party, a bounce house, chocolate cake and delicious food. Okay then, kid. You got it. When I threw out some ideas for a theme he immediately latched onto the Lego theme. "The little ones, not the big ones (Duplos)," he specified.

He even made his own guest list. He had a clear idea of who he wanted to come (both friends and family) and wow, did he want a lot of people there! We had fifty people descend on our house for Hank's big celebration and I was panicking about how I was going to keep all twenty children occupied and how much food I needed to adequately feed all those people. Turns out, I needn't have worried.

I'm lucky enough to have really helpful family in town who are more than happy to bring food or other party essentials. Thanks again, family, for all of your help! You know who you are. ;) 

Hank had a blast. All of his favorite people were there, his favorite food es served (mac and cheese and fruit salad), and he had a huge bounce house with a slide in it. Oh, not to mention chocolate cake with Legos on it. 

The kids made lego cookies with colored frosting and M&Ms on top for their favor.

Quite the pile of presents. 

Bouncing on Daddy's shoulders is always more fun than doing it on your own.

I think he liked his cake.

Johnny did too.

Aunt Lisa and cousin Jack. It's a little blurry, but this is the best one of the set I took. 

The kids were giggling and squealing so loudly when Uncle Dylan and Aunt Lindsay got in the bounce house with them. It was SO CUTE.

Tired birthday boy reading his card with Uncle Scott.

Yep. It was a successful party. And Hank got more Legos than he knows what to do with. And more Legos than I can keep track of, which means my feet are already battle-scarred.

Dear Hank

Dear Hank,

You turn three today. And I'm not surprised in the slightest.

Honestly, you've astonished everyone in the last year by only being two years old. Most people guessed you were three, some even guessed you were four or five, but no one suspected such a verbal, capable, physically-able child with gigantic feet to be a mere two years old. Which is pretty much the same thing I wrote in your letter to you last year. So really, it's about darn time you turned three!

This past year has brought a lot of depth to your character.

• You started caring about friends and getting excited to see them at various play dates. Blake and Asher and Dax and Drew are your go-to's right now, but you have a pretty good memory for faces and names when you want to remember them. 
• You have started fighting back with emotional warfare when Johnny pushes your buttons. Johnny will say something kind of mean to you and you'll respond in kind, "I'm going to scratch you all over and put you in the trash so the garbage truck can come and take you away!!!" (said with all the vehemence a pissed off 2-year-old can muster... which is a lot). 
• You've gotten really good at negotiations and compromise... when you want to be good at it. Your daddy loves to tell the story of you and Johnny going down to Twin Trails park with him and how you both wanted to ride the push-tricycle. Johnny wanted to ride it all the way to the park and half of the way back, but you said that it would be more fair if Johnny rode it to the park and you rode it home. You've also gotten pretty good at getting a few more minutes at the park/museum/friend's house. I'll say, "Okay guys, do you want to leave in ten minutes or fifteen minutes?" And you'll respond, "Um, how about seventeen minutes?" I nearly always agree. Because what's two minutes in the grand scheme of things?
• Your memory and ability to tell me things you remember is incredible.
• You will nearly always answer questions truthfully, thus I've learned (often the hard way) that if you tell me Johnny went that way because he wanted to see some flowers, then I should believe you. Because you have yet to be wrong about important things like that.
• You've gotten adventurous when trying different foods that you haven't been interested in previously. If Daddy or I are eating something different from what you have, you'll often ask for a bite.
• You have become a little more cautious. You broke your arm this year and have become a little more careful... though I think I may be the only one who notices this change. Everyone else still thinks you're reckless.
• Your favorite movie is now Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. And you will watch it over and over and over.
• You can now build with LEGOs and have even put together a tow truck kit with a little guidance from me. Pretty impressive, actually.
• You can ride a big boy bike with training wheels. Really really fast.

But some things haven't changed.

• You still like me to cuddle with you when you fall asleep at night and you'll often come into bed with me, Daddy, and Amy early in the morning. 
• You LOVE Oreos. Obviously.
• You still enjoy pulling my hair out. Despite my begging and pleading with you to stop.
• You are still obsessed with all things construction. Workers. Trucks. Earth movers. Tower cranes. Caution cones. All of it.
• You love to make messes. And think destroying things is HILARIOUS. 
• You are still thoughtful and kind about certain things, like making crafts for other people. You were so excited to give Daddy his Father's Day card that we made at a play date. Same for the Easter crafts for Grandma and Grandpa. And the Valentine's Day card for Daddy. 

Seriously, kid, your personality has really grown this year. Every day I see more evidence that you "have your own head" as the Germans say. You have your own thoughts about certain things and can be stubborn and impossible to persuade about them. But then everything else? You go with the flow. 

Just an indication of how different you are this year from last year can be seen in your party planning. Last year, I said, "Do you want a construction party?" and you said, "Yeah." Then I went down the list of people to invite and you just said "yes" to all of them. This year? I asked what kind of a party you wanted and you said "Lego party." I tried to persuade you to have a Play-doh party or maybe a balloon party, but no. Legos it is. Then we made the list of people to invite and you came up with 75% of the names yourself. And then you even turned some people down when I suggested them! Not something that would have happened last year, but I love that you've become selective with the people you want to be close to you.

And I love that you have strong opinions on things. Really, I do. Yes, it's exasperating when you want to have Oreos for dinner and NOTHING ELSE WILL DO, but I know that eventually your insistence on such trivial things will change to be insistence on things that matter. 

I also love that you have a sense for fun. You can have fun anywhere doing practically anything. You're game for all sorts of activities from learning to throw a frisbee to painting a canvas. It makes you a lot of fun to be around. 

I hope that ability to find fun wherever you are never changes. And I hope that you are persistent in keeping fun in your life, no matter what you are doing. 

Oh, Hank. I love you so much. Even when we have a tough day, know that I love you and still think that I'm incredibly lucky to be your mom. And hopefully, at the end of those tough days, you're still okay with being my son. :) 

I love you buddy!

Love,

Mommy

Dear Johnny

Dear Johnny,

Yet again, I am apologizing for being late with your birthday letter. This year, though, your sister is my excuse. Her arrival three weeks before your birthday kind of threw me for a loop. You will understand this loop I speak of one day.

For now, though, you are four. You have traveled around the sun four times on this spinning rock of ours. And wow, was this last trip through space a doozy.

Age three was a tough one for us both, to be completely honest. I mentioned in your three-year-old letter that you have your own preferences and personality and are incredibly independent. None of that changed... you just got more vocal about it all. Really vocal. And stubborn, too. You really made it clear this past year that you are your own person and nothing and nobody was going to change that.

You spent a lot of time this year being very particular about how you wanted things to be and how they should be done by everyone around you. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out on which things I should follow your lead and on which I should put my foot down. I remember driving to the zoo one morning and you insisted that we go under a bridge, then over a bridge, then over, then under, etc, all the way to Balboa Park. Unfortunately, that's not exactly possible when driving on the freeway. Cue epic screaming tantrum from the backseat.

There were a lot of epic screaming tantrums this year. And there were a lot of Mommy tantrums as well, though usually internal. For a long time, I had no idea how to respond to your freak outs. Nothing I did seemed to help. Eventually, I just realized that you needed to be pulled closer and feel more connection. I mean, you still wanted to get your blue bowl out "the first time", and there wasn't much I could do to make it the first time again, but you responded better to Daddy and me loving you while you got your feelings out than being ignored.

That was the biggest lesson you taught me this year: Love is always better.

And what an important, yet simple, lesson that is.

So I spent a lot of time and effort working on gently guiding you through life with love and setting limits with love and helping you through your big emotions with love and guess what? It's really helped our relationship. For a while there, we were losing each other. Spending the whole day listening to you scream about the red plate that was dirty or the first time you couldn't have back was making me crazy. And looking at things from your perspective, having a mother that didn't empathize with your sadness over the dirty red plate you couldn't have or comfort you through your frustration over not getting something the first time had to be hard for you, too.

But guess what? We did it. You made me a better person this year in so many ways, as you have every year of your life.

Tantrums notwithstanding, I think the thing I will remember most from this past year is how gracefully you became Amy's big brother. You had already done the big brother thing with Hank, but this time you really got it. And you accepted it. And now you love it. Seeing you love Amy so much is wonderful, it really is. Even when I'm asking you to stop sucking on her cheeks and to get up because you're squishing her a little, just know that I think the love you have for your little sister is beautiful. I really hope that it stays that way.

The smaller, tinier things I want to remember from this year of your life are:

• How good you've gotten at sitting still and smiling for the camera when I ask you to.
• Your excitement over seeing your family members. You have gotten everyone's names down and remember everyone from visit to visit. (I will also never forget when you said to Grandma, "See ya, Gail!" It was hilarious.)
• The look on your face when you ride the bike you got for Christmas. You're pretty cautious at first, but once you get used to a certain course, look out! You will get going rather fast on that bike of yours and the look of exhilaration on your face is priceless.)
• The stories you make up about your creations. You make structures out of Duplo blocks, couch cushions, Magnatiles, just about anything! They all have functions and you tell everyone about the things you made at home and what they do. Like the really tall tower crane you made out of Duplos. Or the drill truck/tow truck/flatbed truck, also from Duplos. Or the mechanic shop you made from Magnatiles. Your imagination has really exploded this year and it is so much fun.
• You can't keep your pants on your hips, so your butt crack is constantly hanging out. It's ridiculously cute. Promise.
• You spent nearly three whole months completely naked. And then somehow that morphed into your ditching diapers. Once you decided were finished with them, you were finished with them. Easy as that (kind of). 
• You and Hank started sharing a room this year and you completely surprised your dad and me by being okay with the whole thing. You seem to really enjoy sharing a room with your brother. Go figure.
• Smashburger played a big role in our lives this year due to my exhaustion from pregnancy and also due to your love for their chicken and fries. With too much ketchup.
• Your obsession with gas, gas stations, and car washes.
• They way you wear fancy black dress shoes and call them "boots". You correct EVERYONE who calls them shoes. "They're not shoes, they're boots."

There were so many good times with you this year. So many small moments that I will cherish forever. You had so many firsts this year, as well as a lot of lasts.

I love you so much, Johnny. If could have any four-year-old in the world, I would pick you. Every time.

Love,
Mommy

Johnny is 4!

Today we celebrated Johnny's FOURTH birthday. Well, it was the first celebration of the weekend, anyway. Before I had Amy, I talked with Johnny a lot about what he wanted to do for his birthday. I wanted to make sure that I had his birthday party mostly planned before throwing a newborn into the mix.

He decided he wanted a small party with some friends and a bounce house. Oh, and construction trucks. At first, he wanted a train birthday party, but then the winds of obsession shifted and he decided that construction trucks were the way to go. Planning his party this year was way more fun than previous years because he's been to enough birthday parties to know what it's all about. We went on Pinterest and picked out some cakes he liked so I could get an idea of what he wanted, which was a lot of fun to do together. I also asked him a lot of questions about what kind of a bounce house he wanted, what flavor he wanted the cake to be, if we should get pizza or something else... and he usually had preferences on these things. It was fun to put together a party that he had ideas about. :)

Luckily, his desires are pretty simple because there are some limitations to what I can accomplish with two rambunctious boys and a newborn. Bounce house, pizza, construction trucks, and a cake. I can handle that.

I told Johnny his cake could be any color he wanted. He chose pink.

Unfortunately, taking pictures was something I didn't even think about until it was time for cake. Whoops. So that's what I have for Johnny's 4th birthday thus far! We still have a celebration with family this weekend. Maybe I'll remember to take more pictures.

Hank's 2nd birthday

Hank's birthday was... a month ago. Whoops. So here's how it went down.

We had a date set for Hank's construction-themed (as the kid will not wear a shirt that doesn't have a construction vehicle on it) birthday party, but ended up having to postpone it since he woke up with a 103.5 fever the day before. Fevers tend to be a deal breaker for having other kids around. So, we had to push it back to the weekend following his birthday.

On his actual birthday, June 17th, I got out part of the cake I was going to serve at the party the previous weekend and made it his day-of birthday cake. He was SO EXCITED to blow out the candles. It was adorable.

Finally, the day of the party rolled around and neither Hank nor Johnny were sick, so celebrations were had! We had all of Hank's favorite things to play with: a bounce house (or as Hank says, and he will correct you, a jump house), a sand box with construction vehicles to move around, another box full of rice with more construction vehicles, a whole bunch of caution cones and caution tape, a kiddie pool full of balloons inside the house and lots of helium balloons on the ceiling.

The balloon room

Eating delicious food.

Asking to be held because there was CHAOS and he was tired.

Opening a gift that he just couldn't resist because it was wrapped with Cars paper

Playing in the rice box (Maureen, you were right. These things are awesome.)

The only picture I took of the bounce house. It was large and had big palm trees. Hey, it was one of the only options left.

 I usually make some kind of elaborate cake for these birthday parties, but since I made one for the first (nonexistent) party, I was a little caked-out. So I got a plain one from Costco and threw some decorations on it. It was still cute and quite delicious. :) Not a bad back-up plan.

Eating cake with Daddy

You may or may not have noticed that Johnny is missing from all of these pictures. Well, that's because after the first fifteen minutes of having friends over, he was done. He headed upstairs to the play room (which was off-limits for the party) and stayed there by himself for the most part. And then he fell asleep in the guest room downstairs. He had a good ol' time. :)

The party was a success thanks to everyone who brought food (since prepping for the party and making the cake was about as much as this pregnant mama could handle) and to everyone who helped clean up the aftermath. The aftermath included dirty dishes, serving ware, toys, wrappers, trash, etc. They were so good at their jobs that I didn't have much to do after everyone went home. Except nap, of course. Which was awesome.

Happy birthday, Hank! I'm glad you had a great time at your party.

Dear Hank

Dear Hank,

Today you are two. Gosh, just typing out that sentence brought tears to my eyes. Which is silly, because, let's face it, you're an old two. Strangers out and about are always shocked when I tell them that you're "not quite two" because they think you are closer to four.

You seem older than you are because you are so darn capable, kid.

• You can follow directions with the best of them. 
• You can get your own milk out of the refrigerator (after moving the step stool over since the shelves are kind of high). 
• You can climb every possible ladder at the park. Even if it seems like you shouldn't be physically capable of it.
• You can get your own snacks. 
• You can have yourself pants-less and diaper-less in four seconds flat. 
• You can carry your plate or bowl full of food to the table all by yourself. 
• You can tell me exactly what you want, using correct pronouns.
• You can carry on conversations with your brother. And know exactly how to tell him that you don't like what he's doing. And then you can tell me exactly what happened when Johnny did something you didn't like. 

You're truly amazing. When I went back to read posts from last year when you turned one, it just reminded me of how much you have learned and changed this past year. I would read one post and think "When did that change?" or "I barely even remember that."

I love you to pieces, but I wish you wouldn't grow so quickly.

Gone are the days of countless hours of peek-a-boo. Gone is the fixation with rubber duckies. Gone is the uncoordinated toddler running.

And now you're obsessed with building towers. And train tracks. And playing with cars. And making art. And watching videos about construction trucks on YouTube. All things that big kids like. You're only two! How can you be a big kid already?

But I don't want to change you. Because you are perfect the way you are, and will always be perfect to me.

That doesn't mean that I can't wish certain things wouldn't change. Like how much delight you find in making me a cake at your pretend kitchen and how hard you laugh when I pretend to eat it. Or how you always stop to smell and pick flowers when we go on walks. Or how you give my belly a kiss randomly and say "I kissed the baby!". Or how when you feel bad or get hurt, you want your mommy and no one else will do.

I know in my head that a day will come when you will run to others for comfort or help. I know already that's going to be hard for me to take, but understand that even though I wish these things to stay the same, I also know that's impossible because I also want you to grow up. And growing up means you have to pull away from me a little. And that's okay.

I love you so much, Hank. I cannot wait to see what this year will bring for you!

Love,
Mommy

Hank is 23 months old!

I'm 23 months old!

This is my "I'm getting tired of saying 'cheese'" face.

Wow! That means I'm only one month from the big 0-2! Sweet! My mom is planning a party for me with a bounce house, construction vehicles and caution cones and I'm really going to have a lot of fun. I can't wait!

Recently I've been very interested in make believe. My favorite make believe game is making Mommy food in my kitchen. She says it's adorable. I've made her eggs, a cake with hummus on top, and lots of sandwiches. I'm quite the chef! I even helped her make cookies the other day! I added the salt and the baking soda and the flour. And then I lost interest, but that was the most important part, right?

I'm really getting into different kinds of foods now. I'm up to try almost anything. Especially whatever Mommy is eating. Like what she has on her fork and is putting in her mouth. I like sushi, shrimp, enchiladas and anything I can dip in ketchup. I like hummus, too, and will ask for naan or carrots to dip in it, depending on how I'm feeling. I also got to try Oreos for the first time this month and I am addicted!! They are so delicious! I have no idea why Mommy didn't let me try them earlier. Or has bought them since. 

I mean, WHY wouldn't Mommy want to see that face all the time?!?!

My favorite book right now is Goodnight Goodnight Construction Site, which was actually a gift for Johnny from Aunt Renea, but I read it every. single. night before bed. And then when Mommy finishes reading it I say, "I like that book." I know. I'm so cute.

I'm still really into cars and trucks and construction vehicles (I know the difference between an excavator and a front end loader and I WILL correct you if you don't!) and I am obsessed with caution cones. I know most of my alphabet and only get a few of the letters confused. I can count to 20, but I forget the numbers 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18. I like to go to the library and get new books to take home, though we usually end up getting the same books about the planets with a few different ones thrown in for variety. I've gotten interested in the movie Cars lately and I can tell you the name of everyone in the movie. We've been stuck inside with colds for the last two and a half weeks, so there's been lots of time for movies. I'm also really good at my pronouns ("I am hungry" instead of "me hungry"), and following directions. I am also delighted by the strawberries and peaches we are growing in our backyard. 

The first strawberry of the season. It was delicious.

Basically, I'm fascinated by nearly everything around me and am getting so good at communicating that even complete strangers know what I'm saying. One of my favorite things to ask is "Where did [insert person] go?" Then I go find them and say, "There's [insert person]! I found you!" 

Being nearly 2 is pretty awesome.

Backlog: Johnny's birthday party

Johnny's birthday party was nearly two months ago. And I'm feeling the need to blog about it RIGHT NOW before it gets too much later.

I am not the best party planner/thrower. I struggle with making food at just the right time so it will be fresh and warm when everyone is ready to eat. I have a hard time getting the house clean enough for company and then keeping it that way with two kids to entertain. Plus, our house is not well-suited to entertain hordes of toddlers with the backyard being a pool and with our long steep flight of stairs that just beg little ones to fall down them. And then when it comes to decorating said house for a party? Totally NOT my thing.

So. I opted to have Johnny's party at his favorite park (at the time), Hilltop Park, which is known as "the bumpy slide" in our household and to serve burritos from a local taco shop. I also kept the "theme" simple: orange and turquoise, inspired by The Orange Shirt. Throw out some orange and blue tablecloths and maybe a streamer here and there. Done.

And the party was a success! The toddlers had a lovely time at the park, the parents enjoyed (I think) watching their kids play and talking to other adults. The food was warm and delicious (despite the hoops we had to jump through to get it... argh) and the cake was good.

The cake. I made the stars myself.

The birthday boy!

Blowing out the candles with Daddy.

All photos above courtesy of my mother-in-law. Thanks, Gail! I'm not exactly sure where mine went... I have way too many memory cards to go through and if I wait to publish this post until after I find them, it will never happen. So, hopefully these will suffice. :)

Dear Johnny

Dear Johnny,

I know this is a little late in coming. We're nearly one month past your 3rd birthday and I feel awful for not doing this on time. I keep trying to remind myself that three weeks late is better than never and it's not like it will matter in the grand scheme of things. When you go back to read these one day, three weeks will seem like a trivial amount of time. At least I hope so. And if not... well, there's nothing I can do about it now anyway.

You are 3 years old, now, kid. Kid! You are definitely a kid now. Gone is my baby with the gurgling noises and spindly legs. Gone is my toddler on unsteady feet, barreling through space head first, usually into the ground. And now here you are, a child with your own personality and preferences and opinions.

You have always been independent, but this last year has been an even bigger exhibit of that on-my-own attitude than the previous two. On one hand, I love that you can enjoy your own company and have no problem filling your alone time. It has been vastly useful to me since I often have to leave you to your own devices to deal with Hank for nap time or bed time or to do something pressing like put groceries away. I'll tell you what I'm going to do and that I'll see you in a few minutes and you will nod and traipse off to the play room or your bedroom to spell words or play games that only you understand.

On the other hand, it's been hard to watch you grow away from me. You need me for so much less now than you did last year. You take your clothes off by yourself (whenever you want), you open your own snack containers (whenever you want) and can buckle yourself into your car seat (whenever you want, even if I'm in a hurry). It seems so silly because I want you to learn to do things on your own; I want you to be self-sufficient and learn to put on and take off your clothes and get your own snacks and operate safety devices. I want you to learn to cook one day and read on your own and ride a bike. But I also want you to need me. It's difficult to have such conflicting feelings about your growing independence. I'm so proud of you when I see you reading words from a book that you recently learned, but I also realize that every word you learn for yourself is one less word I will get to read to you in the future. Such is the burden of being a mother, I suppose.

To be honest, your independence and desire to be alone made me worry about you. A lot. Why do you want to spend all of your time in your room with the door closed when we host play dates? Why do you beg to leave when we're at someone else's home? Why don't you enjoy the company of other children your age? I wondered if something I was doing or not doing was making you antisocial, especially with so many people around me talking about sending their kids to day care or preschool a couple of days a week to "socialize" them. And then, snap! You made your first friend, Blake. I will never forget the day you retreated to your room, as usual, during a play date at our house for toddlers Hank's age. I was worried that you were going to go ballistic when Blake made to follow you up the stairs, but then I heard you say, "Do you want to go in my room, Blake?" And then you two went into your room and closed the door. When I checked on you, you were sharing sacred letters with your friend and reading books together. That was the day when I knew you were going to be okay. You were indeed social, but you were going to do things on your own terms.

And boy, do you do things on your own terms.

You have your own ideas about how to want to do things and where you want to go and for how long. I've learned not to touch any letters or numbers you're putting in order, not even to help. I've gotten over the fact that we're not going to see any animals at the zoo, but we are going to visit every guidance pole with a number at the top from 1 to 18. I've learned that at SeaWorld, you want to do the Bay of Play, lunch with the sea lions, and then running on the field, in that order. And when you say you want to go to the bumpy slide park, NO OTHER PARK WILL DO.

I've also learned, however, that while you prefer to stick with the familiar, you usually enjoy seeing something new, even though you won't ask for it. In fact, you usually fight with me about it. Like when I dragged you over to see Shamu underwater, you were not thrilled to be skipping out on the running in the field. But once we got there you were delighted by the killer whales and have asked to go there every time we've been back.

I hope that with time you will learn that I have your best interests at heart and will begin to trust me when I want you to try something new.

But I also hope that you don't forget how to assert your own opinion. I want you to have a voice in how your days go and a decision on what things you decide to do. The last thing I want for you is do something just because someone else says it's important/cool/necessary and no other reason. I want you to be the judge of what is important.

I may or may not regret saying that later.

The point is, Johnny, I love who you are. You are sweet to your family (even Hank), good at compromising, incredibly smart, and so much fun. Yes, sometimes you can be stubborn and completely unreasonable, but most of us can be that way sometimes. It just means you're human. A little human that can make me laugh one second and erupt with frustration the next. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, maybe I could do with a little less frustration, but I'll take the good with the bad.

Happy birthday, Johnny! I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Hank

You are now one whole year old. As Johnny says, "Hank now one! Not zero." No, my little guy, you're not "zero" anymore.

This first year with you has been an important one, not just because you have blossomed from a (not-so) teeny tiny newborn into a full-blown walking child, but also because I feel like I have finally blossomed as a mother.

You have taught me to let go of all of the things I think I need to do and just sit and play with my boys. Yes, there are cobwebs and dust bunnies and dried splotches of food all over the house, but I've learned not to worry about it. And I'm a much happier person because of it. When I used to sit and watch you and Johnny play I would feel incredible guilt that I should be doing something more "productive" like keeping the house clean or making dinner or folding laundry. But then you started growing so fast and I felt like the ten minutes I spent cleaning were a waste of time if that meant I'd miss out on what you and Johnny were doing.

You have taught me that I actually do know what I'm doing. I figured out early on what each of your cries meant, which is something that I'm not sure I ever learned with Johnny. I learned what you needed to fall asleep and what you needed to feel comforted. I feel so in tune with you that I almost always know what it is you need at that moment. And you have rewarded all of my hard-won knowledge with great big smiles and cuddles just for me.

You have taught me that I can handle being exhausted. Yes, I still get pretty moody after a weeks' worth of night wakings, but I now know that I can keep you and your brother alive and happy even though I feel like I'm about to keel over from exhaustion. There was a time when I was sure that I needed 8 hours of sleep a night; now I know better.

You have taught me so many things, Hank, which is amazing considering you're my second child. I'm told that one of the unfortunate things about being the second-born is the lapse in memory when it comes to various personality quirks and milestones. So here are things I want to remember about you in your first year:
- The look of complete and utter admiration whenever Johnny walks in the room. In the morning, when Johnny comes downstairs for breakfast, you have a huge smile on your face and a squeal of glee just for him.
- Your "monster" noise that you make and how you laugh so hard after I do it, too. You've even learned to do it after Daddy sings, "Hey, Hey, I feel like a monster!"
- How badly you want to try all of my food. Whatever I'm eating, you want a piece of it.
- The way you point at birds, balloons, lights and fans and say, "Bubble!" so clearly. And then when you want to go outside to play with bubbles you say, "Bo bubble!"
- How you need to be bounced (well, squatted is more like it) and patted on the back in order to fall asleep for naptime or bed time.
- Your back-arching, twisting, kicking fits that you throw whenever I have to change your diaper.
- How you soothe by pulling out large handfuls of my hair.
- How well you entertain yourself with our little play kitchen and all of our toys in the playroom. I could spend hours watching you open a cabinet, take something out, show it to me and tell me something about it, and then put it in a different drawer. Over and over again.
- How you run to Daddy when he gets home from work and give him a big hug.
- How well you fit in my lap when you snuggle in to read bedtime stories.

You will change as you grow, I know this from watching Johnny, but I hope that your interest in the world never wanes, along with your desire to drop whatever you're doing and give me a hug if I ask for one. It has been a wonderful year to be your Mommy, Hank, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Hank is 11 months old!

I'm 11 months old!

Well, I'm a toddler now. It's official. This past month I went from taking a couple of steps to walking full-time. It's really great because I can carry stuff around with me from room to room. Like Johnny's treasured foam numbers. I LOVE picking those up and walking around with them. The biggest problem with walking is that it's an awful lot farther to fall when Johnny pushes me over. Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger and I'm already pretty tough.

I'm really enjoying putting small things in containers and taking them out and then putting them back in. Also? Tupperware with lids? Fascinating. I love to sit down with a bowl and put the top on it and then take it off over and over. The lid just... fits on it. Amazing. 

I'm making all sorts of great noises and have become even better at mimicking. I have my "monster noise" where I growl at you and I like to do this in the car. Or when I hear Daddy blowing his nose in the shower, I'll echo him with my monster noise. Mommy thinks it's hilarious. I say mama and dada and make n, go, ga, and w noises as well. I'm quite the chatterbox! But I have to be in order to keep up with Johnny.

Sleeping hasn't been going too well. I'm usually up at 5am and then I take two 45 minute naps during the day (if Mommy's lucky) and go down for bed around 6:30pm. I REFUSE to go to bed any later than that. For awhile, Mommy tried to push back my bed time, so I just started waking up earlier in the morning. Did you know that she can be pretty angry and mean at 4:30am? Anyway. I used to sleep through the night, but now I wake up about every two and a half hours. Finally, Mommy will give up around 4am and bring me to bed with her, where I reward her with another hour or so of sleep. Who says old dogs can't learn new tricks? I think I've effectively trained Mommy at this sleep thing. I have certainly let her know who's boss!

29 months!

I'm now 29 months old!

The biggest news in my life is I'm actually starting to recognize words by sight now... which means I'm on my way to reading! I know my numbers (still up to 100) and all of my letters (plus the sounds they make thanks to YouTube) and now I'm remembering which letters go together to make certain words. I've known the word "Vons" for awhile now, I mean, it is my favorite store, so I should know the name of it. Now I know other words like "cow" and "circle" and "Chobani"... Daddy came into my room last week and found the word "Chobani" written out with my big cut-out letters on my floor. What can I say? It's my favorite yogurt.

I'm still not very interested in leaving the house. I'll go to the occasional park and I'll sit outside on the lawn with Mommy and Hank for a little while, but then I'm ready to go back in the house and play with my letters and numbers.

One thing that I've started doing is acting out videos I've seen. Mommy takes lots of videos with her phone (and never shares them here... bad Mommy!) and I like to watch them and then act them out. Mommy thinks it's hilarious. She especially likes it when I fake laugh to imitate her laughing in the video. I'm pretty funny, what can I say?

My food preferences have been shrinking and in flux for quite awhile now, but I still have some basic likes and dislikes.
Likes: blackberries, bagels, Greek yogurt, Havarti cheese (don't even TRY to give me that Cheddar crap), French toast, Cheerios, yogurt pretzels, quesadillas, beef, strawberries, broccoli (occasionally), sweet potato fries, and the occasional banana.
Dislikes: eggs (sometimes), any veggie but broccoli, raspberries, tofu.

Johnny's 2nd year

December is OVER!!!! Part of me is sad to see the Christmas decorations go and all of our family time put behind us, but another part of me is relieved to have such a busy month finished with (most) of my sanity intact.

Anyway. There are lots of pictures from Christmas and our trip, and they will be posted eventually. Promise. For now, however, my mother-in-law mentioned that my father-in-law hadn't seen the slideshow of Johnny's 2nd year that I made for his birthday party. I had meant to post it here and then completely forgot. So here it is. :)


Click here to watch on YouTube.

P.S. The song is the theme to the Cars movie.

Backlog: Johnny's "Cars" birthday party

I know, I know, I haven't been here. Sorry about that. I've been attempting to sleep train Hank for naps and nighttime using the Baby Whisperer method for the last eight days which means I spend a majority of each day and night bent over Hank's crib patting and shushing him to get him to learn to fall asleep independently. It's hell.

Anyway. So Johnny turned two last week and we held his birthday party the week before that. Friends and family were invited to celebrate with us and we all had a delightful time... even if I burned my first garlic bread in the oven and Johnny refused to open presents. The cake was pretty kick-ace if I may say so myself. :)

Yes, I did design and make the cake myself.

My friend Carly and little girl Lina.

Looking like the Joker after having birthday cake

Overall, fun was had by all... even Johnny who spent most of the party outside by the pool where there weren't any guests. Thanks for coming, all!

Birthday Party

The weekend before last (I know, I know, I'm doing this really late...) we celebrated Johnny's first birthday in grand fashion! It was dinosaur-themed, which in my anti-decoration language means the invitations and cake were dinosaur-themed. I didn't take many pictures since I got caught up talking to people, but I have included the ones I did take... including the one of the bomb cake that I made. And it actually tasted okay, too!

He has enjoyed all of the toys that were given to him (the ones that I've let him have so far, that is) and I'm sure is going to start wondering why he only gets new toys once a year when everyone else gets them twice a year... ah, the plight of the December baby.