This is what desperation looks like.

Life has been a little... crazy lately. I got the stomach flu a few weeks back and John had to stay home from work for two and a half days to take care of me and the boys. I've been playing catch up since then and am FINALLY getting to the point where the laundry is getting done in a timely fashion and I'm making dinner almost every night again.

While I've been playing catch up, the boys have started trying to kill each other. Well, not so much Hank trying to kill Johnny. It's Johnny trying to injure Hank. It starts out with Johnny giving Hank a hug and ends with Hank prostrate on the floor and Johnny lying on Hank's head. Sometimes it's obvious that there isn't any malice intended, it's just that Johnny doesn't know how strong he is and how Hank gets hurt. Other times it seems that Johnny's intent is to bash Hank's head into the wall. Or wrought-iron fence. Or tile floor. Or toilet.

So, whenever I can find a way that the boys can do their own thing and ignore each other, I pounce on it. And it usually ends up looking like this:

Yes, that's Johnny taking his fourth bath of the day at 1pm. And yes, that's Hank playing in the toilet. I'm desperate to find these 10-minute oases where I can have a glass of water and a granola bar and stop trying to keep the boys away from each other. Even if that means one or both of the boys may end up with hepatitis. Like I said, desperation.

The time I had a bad idea.

As many of you are well aware, the boys aren't sleeping too well these days. Johnny's still going to bed around 9pm and getting up about 5am. Now, by adult standards, 8 hours is a lot. But by toddler and Johnny standards? Not enough. Especially considering that he would sleep for 11 - 12 hours a night in his crib.

So at the end of last week, I thought we should try the Walk In/Walk Out technique (from the Baby Whisperer) to get Johnny to fall asleep without needing one of us to rub his back for two hours. The first night? No problem. I did the bedtime routine, got Johnny into bed by 7:40 and was out of his room by 7:50. He started crying for me to rub his back, so I went in, put my hand on his back, gave him a kiss, said "good night" and walked out. He cried again, so I did the same thing. This went on for about fifteen minutes and then he conked out! Yes, the child that seemed to need Daddy to rub his back for hours on end in order to fall asleep actually fell asleep at a reasonable hour without parental intervention. VICTORY! The next night, however, didn't go so well. He kept getting out of bed, turning on his light, turning off his fan, anything but staying in bed. After quite awhile, John ended up going in there to rub Johnny's back again until they both fell asleep. *sigh*

On Saturday, I suggested we let him decide when to fall asleep. John's parents said that they never had set nap times or bed times, they just let their kids fall asleep wherever and whenever and it worked well for them. What could it hurt? Let's give it a try.

Um... wow. It certainly didn't work for us. Instead of slowing down as the hour got later, Johnny just got more and more worked up. I finally went to bed around 10:30 because I still get up with Hank every two and a half hours. So John stayed up. Until 1 in the morning. ONE AM!! The only reason Johnny fell asleep at 1am is because John finally coaxed him into bed and rubbed his back for a little while. He could well have been

So John was rather irritable the next day after getting about four hours of sleep since he still woke up at 5am. Johnny slept in until 7am, but after getting six hours of sleep, he was pretty difficult to deal with all day. At least he went to bed at 7:30 that night with minimal fuss.

The silver lining here? Now we know that Johnny isn't the kind of kid who falls asleep even though he's tired. It's good to know your kids, right?

WE'RE ALIVE!

After a lovely week of snot, phlegm, and nasal congestion, we've finally come out the other side. Johnny is still sporting a booger-crusted nose, Hank still has to have his mattress inclined to sleep at night, and I'm still a little congested, but at least we're all well enough to leave the house. Yay!

I'm not proud of it, but most of last week was spent like this:

I felt so sick and was so sleep deprived (from Hank being sick, too) that I didn't have the energy to entertain Johnny the whole day like I usually do. Plus many of our usual options were cut off since we were sick; no parks with other children, no indoor playplaces, no playdates, no walks, etc. Yeah, it was a tough week.

I remember one of the expectant (first time) moms in our birth class talking about how she saw a two-year-old with an iPhone and how well he could use it. She was appalled that a child so young had spent enough time with a smart phone to be able to manipulate it so expertly. She would NEVER let her child spend so much time with technology. I think she'd be horror-struck at our list of activities from last week, don't you agree?

I'm THAT parent...

... that bribes their kid with food. Yes, there were many things I said I'd never do as a parent and I've probably done about every single one of them... including bribing Johnny with sweets. See, now that I'm a mother of two, I have way more things to do and less time (and patience) to do them. I used to spend a good 20 or 30 minutes coaxing Johnny into the house from the front yard. Now? When I want him in the house, I want him in the house ten seconds ago. Usually because Hank needs feeding, but it could also be because I have to eat something before I collapse or I haven't gotten a chance to use the bathroom all day and my bladder is now approaching critical mass... but I digress.

So I got a Costco-size container of Jelly Belly jelly beans. Mind you, I bought this delectable "food" because I like to have something sweet after dinner and now that I'm no longer pregnant, I should be watching what I'm eating. No more eating brownies with reckless abandon. Then, I decided to see if Johnny liked them. Looking back, that was a stupid experiment. They're pure sugar, of course he's going to like them. He liked them so much that he instantly learned the word "bean" and will chant it eerily every time I open the pantry. A couple of days ago I was trying to get Johnny in the house while dealing with a squirmy, hungry Hank, but Johnny kept running away in the hopes I would chase him. This is when I said, "Hey Johnny, if you come inside now, I'll let you have FIVE jelly beans." Johnny stopped suddenly, turned around, put up five fingers and said, "FIVE?!" I replied in the affirmative and watched him race into the house. I've never seen him go into the house so willingly and so quickly before. It was awesome.

On the bright side, while I may be filling my kid with empty calories, it's a great chance to practice his colors. Thank you Jelly Belly, for making such vibrant colored (and small) candies.

How I know Johnny is related to my dad.

I was cleaning out the guest room a few days ago and Johnny got a hold of some dental floss. I used to keep a little basket of travel-size toiletries for guests in the guest bathroom until Johnny got old enough to open the cabinet and pull all of them out; so I stored them in the guest bedroom, which we hardly go into.

Well, Johnny found the dental floss, figured out how to open it and started stringing it out by the foot in a matter of seconds. I guess I should have been impressed by his problem-solving skills, but I mostly just panicked about him strangling himself with it or eating it (as I have seen a friend's cat do inadvertently... but I guess we put a treat at the end of the floss... whatever). However, once this fun was discovered, taking it away was not an option I was willing to explore. So, I took a good ten minutes to just sit in a chair and watch him waste dental floss. I'm thinking this interest in floss may be an indication he will have good dental hygiene, which will make his oral surgeon grandpa proud. :)