Monday, April 22, 2013

Today I am 10 weeks pregnant.

I know I'm in the final throes of first trimester discomfort and man, I can't wait for it to be over. I haven't done much blogging (or much of anything, really) because I'm just so sick and so tired. I trudge my way through the day, sitting down or lying horizontal when I can, and then when John gets home (usually with take out dinner in hand) I go lie down on the bed for 30 minutes just so I can make it through bedtime. And then after I put Hank down, I dive headfirst into bed and stay there until it's time to get up in the morning. Which Hank says is around 1am, so end up staying in his bed while he pulls my hair until 5am.

To be honest, the nausea isn't awful. I'm not vomiting (unless I eat eggplant parmesan, then watch out!), so that's a plus. The food aversion is not a lot of fun, though I know it's pretty normal (for me at least). I know I need to eat because if I don't I'll feel worse, but NOTHING looks good. The smells turn my stomach and I can't even think about eating or drinking dairy or meat. Blech. It has made cooking damn near impossible, hence the take out dinners.

The fatigue, however, has been horrible this time around. Keeping up with Johnny and Hank and doing everything I usually do to keep them occupied and happy requires more energy than I have. So I've been a bit of a mediocre parent lately, which, of course, brings out the mommy guilt. Even though I KNOW I'm doing what I can and that I have a valid reason to NOT be a stellar mom right now, it doesn't matter. It's just part of the process I guess.

I had my first prenatal appointment today and the boys and John accompanied me. It was a little crazy. The birth center has toys in the waiting room for kids to play with, which was great while we were in the waiting room. After we moved to the exam room, however, we there for kind of a long time. The midwife had to get my history and then go over nutrition requirements, suggested exercise, (to which I said "Not gonna happen"), and all of that stuff that is probably helpful for first time pregnant women, but this is my third rodeo, so I was over it. Plus my children were climbing the walls trying to get to the sharps container, so I wasn't paying much attention. Until I laid down to hear the heartbeat... and didn't hear one. The midwife said that 10 weeks is a little early to hear it, but I should come in next week just to try again.

So now I've got a little bit of complex about not hearing the heartbeat. I'm going to be so pissed if I'm carrying around a dead fetus and the last eight weeks of misery were all for naught. I know, it's totally cynical and morbid... but that's normal thinking, right?

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