Saturday, June 4, 2011

C'est la vie

I guess many people would say that I am lucky since Johnny doesn't have separation anxiety and has never exhibited separation anxiety... with me. With Daddy, it's a COMPLETELY different story. If Johnny wakes up in the morning before John has left for work, he goes directly to the master bedroom to give Daddy a big hug (bypassing me, of course) and love on him. Once John leaves for work, it's meltdown time. If John has already left for work when Johnny gets up, we have to go through the whole house looking for Daddy. Once he finally believes that Daddy is at work, it's meltdown time. When John gets home from work, Johnny's little face lights up and he gets so excited. If Daddy goes anywhere, like the bathroom for instance, it's meltdown time. This same behavior is exhibited with both Grandma and (ESPECIALLY) Grandpa Durso. "Ma" and "Pa" are two of his favorite people for sure.

On the other hand, when Johnny and I are separated, it's no drama. For instance, when my mother-in-law comes over to watch Johnny during my prenatal appointment, he gets so excited to see "Ma" and jumps into her arms. Then he turns and looks at me and says "Bye!" Yes, Mommy is leaving, which he is pretty psyched about. Or if I come upstairs with his bottle while he and Daddy are getting ready for bed, Johnny will wave at me, say "bye!" and physically push me from the room.

I know that there are other people who get broken-hearted every time they have to leave their little one with a caretaker because of how their child reacts to their parent leaving... I have never had that heart-wrenching reaction to my child's cries for me as I walk out the door because there are no cries for me. I guess that means I'm lucky, but it also means I feel unloved a lot of the time. I know that if given the choice between me or Daddy, he will pick Daddy every time (which actually happened today), and sometimes that's hard for me to take.

Yes, I know, he's one-and-a-half years old and he's not trying to hurt my feelings, but, man, it's hard not to feel unappreciated when you have molded your entire life around your child's needs and wants and he puts you in last place. I guess that's what happens when you're a parent, right? You are the most important person in their lives, but they see you as the least important. I'll try not to expect that to change for the next 25 years or so.


  1. this whole post makes me so sad. i hope jack doesn't do that. but rest assured that i'm sure the only reason johnny acts that way is because he knows he can depend on you and you reassure him that you'll always be there. he's never worried you're going to disappear. :)

  2. this makes me sad in the opposite way. violet now cries every day when i drop her at daycare. from what i can tell, she's the only baby who cries every. single. morning. i try to tell myself that it's because we have such a great "attachment," but it's pretty heartbreaking for me. i agree with lisa, johnny's confidence is surely the result of his feeling secure that you'll always be there for him.