Today I am 19 weeks pregnant

It's been five weeks since my last pregnancy update and I'm happy to report that I'm feeling MUCH better. The nausea has gone away completely, though the fatigue still lingers... though I'm pretty sure with two active boys to take care of, that whole tired thing isn't going away anytime soon.

Of course, the boys have done me a HUGE favor lately, by going to bed later (around 8 or 8:30pm) and not getting up until 7am. It makes such a big difference for me. Since they go to bed around the same time, there is no longer that discrepancy between when Hank's and Johnny's wake up times and bed times. So instead of taking care of children from 4:30am to 8:30pm, my hours are now from around 6:30am to about 8:30am. And those extra hours in the morning can be spent sleeping, which is absolutely glorious and quite fortuitously timed.

Otherwise, the belly is growing by leaps and bounds, but honestly, it's not even 1/2 baby. I was lying on my back recently and John looked at my abdomen and said, "Where did the baby go?" So yeah. It's mostly bloat and fat storage, courtesy of pregnancy hormones. But I obviously look pregnant since I got my first "Are you pregnant?" from a passing acquaintance.

One of the cooler developments started about three weeks ago (which is waaaay earlier than my other two): baby kicks! I'm just starting to be able to feel them on the outside, only if it's a really solid kick, though. The baby movements are one of my favorite things about pregnancy, so I'm excited to feel them early this time. :)

 I'm going to attempt to do this little survey thing at each pregnancy update so at least I have a little something interesting to post about. 

This week, baby is the size of a: mango

How far along: 19 weeks, 0 days

Next appointment: July 11th (ultrasound time! Nope, we're not finding out this time either.)

Exercise: Uh... chasing toddlers

Sleep: Getting it when the boys let me! Though I have been getting some awful back to left shoulder spasms that happen around 3am and will not go away unless I sit up and press a heating pad on my back for an hour. I know it's a product of holding the boys so much during the day and only on my left side, so I've been trying to hold them more on the right to even things out.

Food cravings/aversions: I thought I could kill someone to get some raspberry chocolate truffle cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory last week. But it was 5:30pm and the Cheesecake Factory is a good 25-minute drive away... John went and got me some anyway. :) Because he loooooooves me.

Movement: Flutters and the occasional solid kick/punch. He/she especially likes to hit me right where the waistband of my pants sit. Or maybe I feel it more because of the pressure?

What I miss: Sleeping a full night without having to visit the bathroom. Or just sleeping between the boys' wake ups without having a bladder to wake me up, too.

What I'm loving: Wearing maternity clothes that my friend Darcy loaned me. Yay for an expanded wardrobe!

What I'm looking forward to: Going to the East Coast next week to see John's extended family for July 4th. I think this trip is going to be a lot fun and so much easier than last year's trip. Hank is a whole year older this time and he won't be sitting on my lap on the plane, so yeah, easier.

Best moment this week: Hank's birthday party (as a whole) was a lot of fun. I'll blog more about it later, but it was a success on all fronts. 

To accomplish before baby comes: Figuring out all the sleeping arrangements. We haven't decided whether to put the boys in the same room to make room for a nursery, or to just leave them where they are since the baby is going to be with John and me for the forseeable future. The biggest trouble is where to put all of the baby's stuff if we keep the boys in their rooms. The diapers, changing table, clothing, burp cloths, etc are all in Hank's room and will be unable to be touched during nap and other sleep times... We have time to decide, but honestly, we're not doing much serious thinking about it. Probably a product of us still being in denial that we're going to have a third kid in 4.5 months.

Thoughts and feelings from Significant Other and Siblings: The boys have been told that they're getting a sibling and neither seems to really "get" it. John has done quite the imaginative reenactment of birth with an Elmo puppet and a small Elmo that gets stuffed into the puppet's hand-hole. They have now taken to calling these Elmos "Mommy Elmo" and "Baby Elmo". So... I guess they kind of get it?

Dear Hank

Dear Hank,

Today you are two. Gosh, just typing out that sentence brought tears to my eyes. Which is silly, because, let's face it, you're an old two. Strangers out and about are always shocked when I tell them that you're "not quite two" because they think you are closer to four.

You seem older than you are because you are so darn capable, kid.

• You can follow directions with the best of them. 
• You can get your own milk out of the refrigerator (after moving the step stool over since the shelves are kind of high). 
• You can climb every possible ladder at the park. Even if it seems like you shouldn't be physically capable of it.
• You can get your own snacks. 
• You can have yourself pants-less and diaper-less in four seconds flat. 
• You can carry your plate or bowl full of food to the table all by yourself. 
• You can tell me exactly what you want, using correct pronouns.
• You can carry on conversations with your brother. And know exactly how to tell him that you don't like what he's doing. And then you can tell me exactly what happened when Johnny did something you didn't like. 

You're truly amazing. When I went back to read posts from last year when you turned one, it just reminded me of how much you have learned and changed this past year. I would read one post and think "When did that change?" or "I barely even remember that."

I love you to pieces, but I wish you wouldn't grow so quickly.

Gone are the days of countless hours of peek-a-boo. Gone is the fixation with rubber duckies. Gone is the uncoordinated toddler running.

And now you're obsessed with building towers. And train tracks. And playing with cars. And making art. And watching videos about construction trucks on YouTube. All things that big kids like. You're only two! How can you be a big kid already?

But I don't want to change you. Because you are perfect the way you are, and will always be perfect to me.

That doesn't mean that I can't wish certain things wouldn't change. Like how much delight you find in making me a cake at your pretend kitchen and how hard you laugh when I pretend to eat it. Or how you always stop to smell and pick flowers when we go on walks. Or how you give my belly a kiss randomly and say "I kissed the baby!". Or how when you feel bad or get hurt, you want your mommy and no one else will do.

I know in my head that a day will come when you will run to others for comfort or help. I know already that's going to be hard for me to take, but understand that even though I wish these things to stay the same, I also know that's impossible because I also want you to grow up. And growing up means you have to pull away from me a little. And that's okay.

I love you so much, Hank. I cannot wait to see what this year will bring for you!

Love,
Mommy

Happy Father's Day!

 For John's Father's Day present, I did a little photo shoot of the boys wearing shirts they picked out themselves (yes, I know Johnny picked a pink shirt and no, I don't think it will affect his masculinity). I didn't get a single shot of both of them looking at the camera, but I got a couple that are frame-worthy.

We changed venues because I didn't like the look of our couch in the background. So here we are, in our garage.

This is the one I framed for John's office. Hence the color correction and nice cropping.

Happy Father's Day, John! I love watching you interact with our boys on a daily basis. You're a patient teacher, a great listener and excellent entertainer. I appreciate you so much, even when I'm too exhausted to notice that you've emptied the dishwasher for me, cleaned up the spilled milk or changed some nasty diapers. I love you!