Two-Foot Expansion

I'm 11 weeks and two days pregnant, due on November 18th and yes, I'm hoping for a girl. And yes, I have done the math and realize I will have a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old and a newborn.

I have debated whether or not I want to put this news up on the blog, especially since I decided to keep it off Facebook. See, I'm a world-class complainer. And having so many of my friends available at the touch of a fingertip makes it easy for me to complain too much on social media and frankly, I'm tired of being that person. So I'm limiting myself by keeping news of my pregnancy away from places like Instagram and Facebook because if I keep it mum, I sure as hell can't complain about it.

Which is why I debated putting it up here. But then I figured there are only 15 people who still read this thing and they likely already know the big news and don't care if I complain as long as I throw up some pictures every now and then. Am I right??

This first trimester has been quite the trial. Taking care of TWO children, including one that still wakes frequently at night, has made this third pregnancy much harder in some ways. The nausea and fatigue has been worse this time since, you know, having two kids means not being able to eat protein and complex carbs every two hours like I'm supposed to (hell, getting to the grocery store to BUY the protein and complex carbs is hard) and getting a full night's sleep is just not in the cards.

However, in some ways it's easier than my last two. With my first, I was still teaching for the first trimester and then I was alone and completely lonely for the rest of my pregnancy. That was hard in its own way. With my second, I was still caring for an infant in my first tri (which looking back, seems WAY easier than dealing with two toddlers, but he was my first which means it was difficult) and then I was so busy with young Johnny that I had trouble eating enough. At least this time around, Johnny and Hank can entertain each other for ten minutes while I lie down on the couch. They are also into watching 30 minute segments of Sesame Street when I really need to take a break (it's not my favorite thing to fall back on, but it could be worse I suppose). And this time? I've completely given up on cleaning. I mean, having two kids kind of broke me of that silly cleaning habit, but now? I don't even feel guilty about having a dirty house. I just don't have people over. ;)

So here we are. In a little more than six months, we will welcome another little baby into the house. And I can't WAIT to smell that new baby smell again!

Today I am 10 weeks pregnant.

I know I'm in the final throes of first trimester discomfort and man, I can't wait for it to be over. I haven't done much blogging (or much of anything, really) because I'm just so sick and so tired. I trudge my way through the day, sitting down or lying horizontal when I can, and then when John gets home (usually with take out dinner in hand) I go lie down on the bed for 30 minutes just so I can make it through bedtime. And then after I put Hank down, I dive headfirst into bed and stay there until it's time to get up in the morning. Which Hank says is around 1am, so end up staying in his bed while he pulls my hair until 5am.

To be honest, the nausea isn't awful. I'm not vomiting (unless I eat eggplant parmesan, then watch out!), so that's a plus. The food aversion is not a lot of fun, though I know it's pretty normal (for me at least). I know I need to eat because if I don't I'll feel worse, but NOTHING looks good. The smells turn my stomach and I can't even think about eating or drinking dairy or meat. Blech. It has made cooking damn near impossible, hence the take out dinners.

The fatigue, however, has been horrible this time around. Keeping up with Johnny and Hank and doing everything I usually do to keep them occupied and happy requires more energy than I have. So I've been a bit of a mediocre parent lately, which, of course, brings out the mommy guilt. Even though I KNOW I'm doing what I can and that I have a valid reason to NOT be a stellar mom right now, it doesn't matter. It's just part of the process I guess.

I had my first prenatal appointment today and the boys and John accompanied me. It was a little crazy. The birth center has toys in the waiting room for kids to play with, which was great while we were in the waiting room. After we moved to the exam room, however, we there for kind of a long time. The midwife had to get my history and then go over nutrition requirements, suggested exercise, (to which I said "Not gonna happen"), and all of that stuff that is probably helpful for first time pregnant women, but this is my third rodeo, so I was over it. Plus my children were climbing the walls trying to get to the sharps container, so I wasn't paying much attention. Until I laid down to hear the heartbeat... and didn't hear one. The midwife said that 10 weeks is a little early to hear it, but I should come in next week just to try again.

So now I've got a little bit of complex about not hearing the heartbeat. I'm going to be so pissed if I'm carrying around a dead fetus and the last eight weeks of misery were all for naught. I know, it's totally cynical and morbid... but that's normal thinking, right?

In a good place

Sometimes I get a little crazy. Anyone who knows me even marginally well knows this to be true. I get all moody because I don't get enough sleep or because I haven't eaten a hot meal in months or perhaps because THIS IS THE SIXTH PUDDLE OF PEE I'VE CLEANED UP IN THE LAST TWO HOURS. And too often I let that craziness color the rest of my day.

And that's sad. It's the way I am, cynical and often negative, but I'm trying to kick myself out of it when I get funky.

I have to remember that I have it pretty great right now. I have two rambunctious boys who love to run around together and will even play with the same toys occasionally. They have even been known to build towers together or race cars across the floor. And now, they're even getting the sharing thing a little bit. Enter this heartwarming moment:

Hank is holding a stack of eight LEGO flowers, telling John and me the color of each one. 
Hank: And red and yellow and blue and red and yellow and green and...
Johnny: Give me that Hank!
Hank: No! I want it!
Me: Remember Johnny, ask Hank nicely when you want something he has and maybe he'll share with you.
Johnny: Hank, can I have the flowers, please?
Hank: No!
Me: Okay, Johnny, Hank said no. So would you please wait your-
Hank hands Johnny two flowers.
Me: Oh! Hank gave you some flowers!
Johnny: Thank you, Hank!

Seriously. It was adorable. Hank was sharing with Johnny and Johnny was appreciative. It may seem like such a small thing to you, but to me? It was ground-breaking. We go over and over that dialogue tons of times in a day and to see it finally sinking in and them resolving things nearly on their own? Without violence? Priceless.

One of the best things about the boys being this age is we can go to parks and they can find things to entertain themselves. Johnny will climb the structures and go down all of the slides. Hank spends his time climbing things he shouldn't be able to climb and playing in the sand. Since they're occupied with their own exploration, I can even sit down for five minutes here or there. It's bliss. Pure bliss.

Things aren't perfect, but they're not bad. Which should be my mantra.

And now, a cute picture. Because that was wordy and I know all you care about is the photo. :)

Reading bedtime stories together in Hank's room. Johnny was reading Goodnight Moon to me and Hank. :)

No nap raid

Johnny stopped taking regular daytime naps right before he turned two. I mean, I still NEEDED to nap, but the fight to get him down along with the stress of dealing with an infant Hank just became too much for me, so I stopped putting him down for his afternoon nap. For awhile there, he would still pass out almost daily in the car, or being held by a parent, or occasionally on the floor of a room other than his bedroom.

These days, he still needs a nap every once in awhile, but certainly not daily. It doesn't mean that he takes one when he needs one though. The kid hates sleep. This has not changed since day 1. So, I still don't push naps, but if it's been more than five days and he hasn't napped, I'll try to take a well-timed car ride to help him out. He becomes an entirely different kid after he sleeps a little. Even though his night sleep is pretty good these days, a nap will transform him from whiny, meltdown-prone, unhappy child to a happy, laughing, playing kid. Which is why I wish he would take a nap when he needs one.

Today he woke up really early and even though we didn't do much but putz around the house, he was falling apart by 3pm. He really really really needed to sleep, but didn't want to give in. I tried to get him to get in the car, but that was a resounding "NO!". I tried to hold him and rock, but he squirmed away. I finally got down on his level and said, "Johnny, don't you want to feel better?" To which he replied, "Yeah! I wanna feel better!" with tears streaming down his cheeks. Then I told him, "If you sleep a little bit, just a little, I think it's going to make you feel better." He gave me one look, turned away, walked into his room and laid down. I came in to cover him with a blanket and turn his fan on and then he was OUT.

It. was. amazing. In bed, without a fight? Bliss. Accepting logic without a fight? I guess that means he's getting older.

Sunday morning hot tub time

On the weekends, John will typically let me sleep in a little (once Hank allows me to leave him, of course) and he has taken to spending these hours in the hot tub with the boys. And wow, do they LOVE it!

Congregating by the steps.

Whoaaaaaaa!

Tongue out, legs tucked, jumping high for joy!

 These are FRESH pictures. As in, I took them this morning. Just a couple of hours ago. It's like I'm on top of my game or something. :) Actually, no. I just found a few seconds to blog. And I discovered the SD card port in the side of my computer. AWESOME.